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Welfare of the Child

libfemme ( 04/28/2005, 10:28:28 )

I disagree that people are not 100% gay or straight. Sexual orientation is a continuous range. There are some people who are completely monosexual and there are people who are polysexual to some degree or another.One of the problems with society is that people tend to think that whatever is true for them is true for everyone else. Hence people who are straight can't imagine people who aren't, etc.My concern or interest in your post is the welfair of the child. I do believe you have a right to reproduce, as everyone does. But the best interests of the child should be considered as well. I am not suggesting you would not make a good parent but simply that I have not seen that aspect of the issue presented.A women who is willing to be a surogate does so to help people, it is a very generous act but any birth mother will have instinctual ties to the child and wants to know that giving up the child is in the child's best interest. You speak a lot about your needs, but there is no hint that you are considering a child's.It may be unfortunate, but nature seems to have created a mother-child bonding instinct. In general infants and small children will go to women instead of men when needing comfort. I say this as a mother who has observed many children. It's not a matter of whether or not you could be a good "mother" for a young child, but whether or not the child's own instincts would prepare that arrangement. Some children, although certainly not all, have a biological aversion to males at an early age. This may be because in a state of nature, when our genes were selected for, some males were dangerous to children and hence a child that avoided males and clung to females might have a slight survival advantage.What I am saying is I don't think any well balanced woman willing to be a surogate would be convinced to bear a child without making sure the child has a mother in its life. There are single women who desperately want children. I would suggest finding such a woman and proposing joint custody.I know you would prefer complete custody and not visitation but children have a life cycle. In childhood they need a mother, but but adolescent they start to shift their bonding more to a father. This may be why so many children who have divorced parents, express a desire to live with dad in adolescence after years of living with mom.I have a teenage daughter. I am still very important in her life, but her relationship with her dad is much more involved now. Perhaps because men represent the outside world and adolescence is preparing for the time when they will leave home and join that world.For the record, heterosexual parents have wrecked havic on the psyche of gay children. Gay children are more likely to attempt suicide or experiment with drugs than straight child on average. Straight parents simply do not know how to accept and raise a gay child.I am not sure whether a gay parent of a straight child would be any better or worse. I suspect he would be about the same. That does not mean you should not parent a straight child simply that it may prove more difficult than you imagine.I don't believe this website is a good place to find surrogate mom's but you are welcome to try. After all who knows? Good luck to you and to any child you raise.

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